Dealing with Incontinence
Incontinence of any kind can be dismal — and made worse because we don’t talk about it. When you think of how early in life we learn to control our bladder and bowels (almost before we can talk!), it’s clear how much we take these parts of our body for granted. It’s also clear how often incontinence causes shame. How many of us dread thinking about a time when we wet or pooped our pants? Shame is a protective emotion that signals to us what not to do again — but what if we can’t help it? The emotions tied up in having incontinence and the reality that we will all likely experience this at various points in our lives make this a topic we need to normalize.
Bowel and bladder incontinence can happen at any stage of our lives. Incontinence can be the result of weakened pelvic floor muscles after having babies, surgeries that cut through the nerves signaling our brains for when we have to “go”, hormone changes and even stress and trauma. Extremely scary things trigger the nervous system to “offload” anything extra so we can run away or fight so there’s actually a biological reason why we say, “That scared the crap out of me!”
Having bowel or bladder “accidents” is one of the biggest, least talked about reasons that we isolate ourselves from our friends and family. It’s a combination of anticipatory embarrassment, fear and maybe even some sadness that we can’t trust our bodies. In looking at the rising incidence of colon cancer (often requiring abdominal surgery or radiation), the number of people living longer, and lack of awareness and discussion about what’s going on “down there”, it seems like this is a topic we can address by at least being prepared. (And! being prepared is one way to decrease anxiety).
Here is an incontinence kit you can put together, keep in your car or even toss in your bag.
Incontinence Supply Kit
Depends Silhouette: very stretchy, low-profile absorbent briefs. They make these big so you can often go one size down. Also you can create a profile on depends.com and get a coupon for $3.25 off, making them approximately $10-14 per box: https://www.depend.com/en-us/coupons
YUNI Body Wipes: each packet contains one big shower wipe; these are not flushable but good for blowouts, and they have a great scent: click here
Good Wipes: flushable wipes for down there (only flush one at a time tho!). These come in single packets like teabags or you can buy 60-count packs and put some in a ziplock. They are less “sting-y” than other wipes if your parts tend to get chapped: click here
Calmoseptine: consider this the superhero of diaper creams. Spread it onto dry, clean skin after an accident. It soothes, helps heal the outside part of your back passage (tush) and protects your skin if you have another accident. Note that it is light colored and can be hard to get out of regular underwear. You can buy it by the tube (Walgreens has a generic option that also works; it’s just a little less thick) and put some in a small container for an incontinence kit. click here
2 plastic grocery bags (opaque): one to throw away undies/Depends and one for if you have to bring clothes home to wash. These are also good if you’re in the car and need to quick slip something underneath you.
Lightweight nylon jogger pants (black): in my opinion, if you have an accident, you should be allowed to wear comfy clothes the rest of the day so keep a pair of something like this in the kit: click here. They’re kind of athleisure wear and go with everything.
(Optional) chuck: some people also keep a chuck within reach of the driver’s seat in case they need it (a doggie pee pad would work….plastic with one absorbent side and may be less expensive); they make disposable ones and washable ones.
Put as many or as few of these items into your kit. You’ll probably be able to fit them into a gallon-size Ziplock bag or smaller AND, if you want to be discreet, use the opaque grocery bags to hide the supplies. Throwing in a pair of disposable gloves isn’t a bad idea either. Hopefully, this kit gives you confidence because, yes, s**t happens to us all.